this little life

In a few weeks, I'll be 32. Since entering my 30s, I haven't really felt my age. I spent my late twenties navigating my role as a caregiver and the COVID pandemic. Those years, in some ways, still feels like a blur. Next thing I knew, I had entered my 30s. I understand more now when older people say they still feel young at heart and how they don't "feel" their age. I've also seen several posts floating around reminding us adults to rekindle and keep our childlike wonder. Being an aging person is hard and comes with many expectations, but I don't think I ever let my inner child go.

There's one vivid memory that's stuck with me all these years. It was my 8th grade end of the year trip to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom (that I and my family still just call by its previous name, Marine World). My friend and I were waiting in line for the bumper cars. When we got in line, I looked over to the bumper cars as the riders were making their way into their chosen cars. I noticed that a majority, or all of them, were adults, perhaps in their late 20s-30s and were all either friends, co-workers or a combo of both. When the ride started, all of the adults began ramming into one another and I just remember their big smiles and laughter. As a kid, it was funny seeing these grown folks be so silly and playful. As I watched them, a peculiar feeling washed over me and I remember at that moment thinking to myself something along the lines of "I wanna be like them when I get to their age."

It's a memory that has resurfaced off and on over the years and I thought about it more recently with my upcoming birthday. I think that memory has stayed so vividly with me this long as a reminder to never lose that sense of fun, excitement, and joy as I get older and older.  The world can be so harsh and cold, especially as we age, that some of us end up losing a lot of that childlike wonder and joy. And joy is so needed right now in this time. I know it is for me.

A lot of stuff dawns on you as you age, stuff you don't really realize in the moment because you're so immersed in just trying to live and be. I understand, in this season of my life, that it's never too late. Never too late have some fun. Never too late to find your little joys. Never too late to get back to activities you once enjoyed as a child. I still have a tiny sense of dread with getting older, but surrounding myself with hobbies I've always enjoyed since I was young and other activities that brings me happiness and soothes me, growing up doesn't feel too bad anymore. I'm also practicing to just slow down and take life one step at a time. There's no rush, experience the moments, and cherish what you have right now.